


Do You Ever Wonder?

by greerian



Series: So This Is Love (McPriceley College AU) [3]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Existential Angst, Fluff, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I swear to god there's so much fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, Romance, Stars, but not enough of them, i seriously don't even know, it's disgusting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:09:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4500168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greerian/pseuds/greerian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor's done with everyone's shit, and Kevin has to deal with the aftermath. Set in the same universe as Sugar Daddy and Repeat After Me. For tumblr user meg-audrey. Edited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Ever Wonder?

Connor’s supposed to work until midnight, so when Kevin gets a text at 9:17 that says “i’m coming home” he promptly freaks out. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks, typing as quickly as he can, but there’s no reply. In the twenty minutes he knows it’s going to take Connor to get back to their dorm, he paces anxiously back and forth in the common room, ignoring the curious looks of the other students. At exactly 9:35 Kevin shoves the door open and heads towards the parking lot, planning to talk to his boyfriend as soon as physically possible, seeing as he’s not answering his phone. Just as he arrives, precisely a minute early, the beat up old Subaru Explorer they share swings into view at a dangerous speed, barely missing the peeling sign at the entrance to the lot. The car is parked in a matter of seconds, hardly making it within the lines of its designated spot, and Connor stumbles out and into Kevin’s waiting arms.

“I’m fine, Kevin,” he snaps when the brunette asks, but he doesn’t even try to push him away or hide the fact he’s shaking. Just as Kevin’s about to ask if he needs something to eat or water or _something_ , he looks up and meets his boyfriend’s eyes and he shouts “I can’t fucking do it anymore, Kevin!”

Kevin’s a little confused.

“I can’t keep working at that, that place when all I ever hear is my coworkers’ stupid, privileged, homophobic, ‘opinions’ that they shove in my face all the fucking time! And the customers! They act like they’re God’s fucking gift to the world because they have deigned to come and eat shitty fast food at the restaurant I have the unfortunate misery of working at, and I’m supposed to cater to their every whim and I just have to smile and take it and I can’t fucking do it anymore! And Kevin, I just walked out, right in front of my manager and everything and I’m fired, I’m definitely fired because I know they won’t let me come back after this and I really need that job but I’m glad! Really, I’m fucking ecstatic because god _fucking_ forbid I not be fucking perfect!” He takes a deep breath, his face heated with rage, and poor Kevin would really like to take a step back but his arms are being absolutely crushed in Connor’s grip right now and he thinks that that might be a bad idea.

“So…” he ventures, and the redhead just buries his face in his shoulder.

“Somebody was talking smack about gay people, Kevin, and I just couldn’t stop myself,” he murmurs, holding him close. “And all I said was that I thought it was fair, the supreme court decision, you know? And that didn’t even happen recently, it was this summer, so I thought they wouldn’t really get mad about it but a customer overheard and they yelled at me and asked if I thought it was fair that God was going to damn them all to hell and that they’re living in sin and all of the bullshit that I never thought I’d have to hear again and I just… I… I’m sorry, Kevin, I’m really sorry, I was just so angry!”

Kevin frowns. “What did you do?”

He’s sniffling now, and his words are a bit muffled as he smashes his face into the side of Kevin’s neck. “I… I pulled out my phone, and I showed ‘em a picture of us, and… and I said that I’m a f-fag and that I guess I’m going to hell but if I am at least I get to take the hottest, cutest, nicest, most incredible guy in the world with me.” Connor giggles a little, then, and his eyelashes tickle the taller boy’s skin. “And then I went to the back and got my stuff, and I just walked out. I didn’t even clock out or anything. I bet they’re so pissed at me right now…” And that’s when Kevin feels the first tear drop soak into the fabric of his shirt. “I’m sorry, Kevin, I… I didn’t mean to bring you into it or anything, and I didn’t mean to cuss so much and lose my temper and probably lose my job, I just… I don’t want to hear that stuff anymore. It hurts, you know? It r-really hurts, and I just can’t do it anymore.”

Even though Kevin thinks it should be impossible, his little slip of a boyfriend manages to hug him even tighter then, and with a tender hand he caresses his soft red hair, looking to the heavens for guidance. _What on God’s green earth am I supposed to say? ‘That’s fucked up, and I’m sorry’?_

Then he notices that there’s not a cloud in the sky, and that the moon is hardly a sliver above the horizon. “Hey, Connor?”

“Y-yeah?” He hiccups, and Kevin laughs softly.

“Do you wanna just look at the stars?”

“...what?”

“I mean, we can talk while we do it, but I think it might help.”

The redhead looks up at him, sniffing pathetically. “Okay,” he agrees, wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry for getting snot on your shirt.”

“Oh.” Kevin looks at his shoulder, craning his neck awkwardly, and shrugs. “That’s what washing machines are for.”

So the two boys climb up the nearest hill and throw themselves down on the fresh spring grass and they look at the stars. It’s something they used to do in Uganda, when the days were just too goddamn hot to do anything but nights were just about right, and Kevin had overindulged in coffee, and they were the only night owls in the entire house.

And Kevin wraps Connor in his arms, regardless of the fact that his boyfriend starts crying again before they even get to the top and that he was planning to wear that shirt tomorrow, too; and he whispers in Connor's ear that he thinks he did the perfectly right thing. He knows how much Connor's struggled with his sexuality and with failing people’s expectations, and how big of a step he just made. Kevin’s the one who’s fallen asleep during meetings and classes and while proselytizing because he’d talked Connor through hell dreams, and he’s one of the only people Connor will let himself cry in front of. He’s also the one who took him in for the summer between their failed mission and their first year of college, when his former district leader took all the blame for what happened in Kitguli and came out to his entire temple at the same time, and his parents kicked him out. He knows how much Connor had to stand before this explosion happened, and so he holds him close on the top of the hill, even when he stops crying, and he just listens until his boyfriend runs out of stuff to say.

“Do you ever wonder,” he asks, when silence starts to stretch over them like a blanket, “what’s the point of any of this?” Before Connor can tense in his arms, he continues, saying “Like, why can’t we just stay up all night staring at the stars instead of being responsible and going to class tomorrow. Why do you have to have a job. Why can’t we just do whatever we want. You don’t want to be a business major. And… and I don’t want to play football. Why are we doing this?” Leaning back, he makes sure he’s looking his boyfriend in the eyes as he asks “Why can’t we just do what we want?”

A thrill of excitement shoots through him, and he grins. “You know what? Tomorrow I’m gonna go tell Coach that I’m off the team. I mean, Connor, look; we’ve already bucked off what our families told us. Why can’t we do more? What if this is a sign? Come on; I dare you. Tomorrow, go tell your advisor you’re changing your major. I don’t even care if you don’t pick dance or theatre, just… just say you’re undecided or something. I can make enough money for the both of us, and do we even have to be rich? No, we’ll be fine. Connor, just… just think of it! Imagine being _happy_ , goddamn it!”

But the smaller boy just looks at him like he’s got three heads. “Kevin, honey, are you sure you feel okay?”

“Okay? I feel great!” He laughs, hugging Connor warmly. “This is it! This is my something incredible, Connor, I can feel it!”

“Kevin… Kevin, I know you’re excited, but… but we can’t just do that. We have to be practical.”

“No!” he shouts gleefully. “No, we don’t! We can be practical later. I’ll get a good job; you know my dad already wants me at his company. And you can do whatever the hell you want, Connor! You can be happy!”

“Kevin, stop being ridiculous!” he snaps, and Kevin falls silent. “I can’t throw away my future on some dream of success. Yeah, maybe you’ve got life figured out but some of us aren’t so lucky, okay?”

“But… but I’ll take care of you,” the brunette says, sitting back and watching Connor with a puzzled frown. 

"No, Kevin,” he replies, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. He looks weary, and old, and suddenly Connor's fifty years old and watching his life fall apart around him instead of twenty-three and finishing his junior year as a successful college student. "You’re not going to be around forever, and I need to be able to take care of myself.”

“...what?” Kevin asks, incredulous. _Is he… does he think… wait, what?_ “I’m not going to be around forever?”

And Connor just gives him a sad smile and says “All good things come to an end, honey.”

That’s when Kevin gets it. “You don’t think this is going to last. You think… you’re planning on us breaking up, aren’t you.” He hesitates, and Connor starting to interrupt, but he plows forward anyway, the developing thoughts in his head whirling and spitting themselves out of his mouth before he knows what he’s doing. “You’re planning on me leaving you. You’re planning on me doing what your parents did. You think I'm going to leave you. What the hell, Connor.”

“Kevin, wait. It’s not an unfair assumption.”

“It's not- are you fucking serious?”

“Language, Kevin.”

“Don’t ‘language’ me, Connor! We haven’t even ever talked about this and you just… seriously?’

The redhead sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “We just… we have to be practical, Kevin. Every relationship has an expiration date, and... and a day will come when we’re going to be sick of each other. You’re going to be sick of me. I can’t, in good conscience, trap you into a relationship where you’ll feel the obligation to make sure I’m taken care of or, or something, even when whatever we have is over and done.”

Kevin has never wanted to yell at him more than in this moment, but he stops for a second, thinking. ‘Why the hell would you even think that?’ he could say, or ‘What have I done to you that would make you think that?’ but he knows this isn’t his fault. It isn't Connor's fault, either; and for once, Kevin calms down.

“I don’t see it that way,” he says softly, evenly. “If I choose it, it’s not a trap, is it?”

“...no,” Connor replies, sniffling. “I guess not. But Kevin, you can’t honestly think-”

“Why not?” He makes himself take a deep breath. “Connor, I’m not a liar. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“‘It’? Kevin, there is no ‘it’. There’s just… your future, and mine. Okay? And they’re not going to be the same.”

 

Kevin gets an idea.

“Why not?”

Connor rolls his eyes tiredly. “Honestly, Kevin, I just told you. What else do you want me to say?”

“No, no, seriously: why not? Why can’t we stick together?”

He hesitates. “It’s… it’s not realistic, Kevin.”

“We’ve done it so far. Why can’t we give it a shot?”

“I- because… because what if it fails? What are you going to do, be stuck with me?”

The brunette laughs, throwing his head back. “Yes! I'll be stuck with you. And if it really bothers you so much, you can get a divorce.”

“A d- “ Connor goes eerily quiet. “What?”

Kevin grins, taking his boyfriend’s hands. “What do you say? Let’s be stuck together.” As Connor goes deathly pale, he jumps up, pulling him to his feet, and kneels in front of him. “Conner David Mckinley, will you marry me?”

“B-but… but Kevin, we’re… we’re too young.”

“You’re almost twenty-three! My sister Jocelyn got married at, like, eighteen. And, because I think I know what you’re going to say next, I’m ninety-nine percent sure my parents won't completely hate us.”

And even though he doesn’t believe for a minute that Connor will say yes, he’s still grinning, kneeling on the damp ground like a complete idiot at almost eleven o’clock on a school night, because he knows, he _knows_ that he means it with all his heart and man, is it good to believe in something again.

But Connor just shakes his head, chin quivering but lips turned up at the corners and mumbles “Yes.”

“...what?”

“I said ‘yes’, Kevin.”

“You’re… you’re serious?”

“As my inevitable death by heart attack.”

“Wait, what?”

“From dealing with your… you-ness for the rest of my life.”

“Oh my god, Connor, you’re serious. You mean it?”

“Yeah, I mean it,” he says, sniffling. “But do you?”

It takes Kevin less than a second to jump off the ground and twirl his new fiance in the tightest, most enthusiastic hug he’d ever given anyone. “You mean it!” he crows, laughing. “You actually mean it! Oh, god, we’re gonna get married!”

He blathers on for a while about how excited he is, the brilliantly blinding joy spilling out into incoherent rants, but when he sees Connor’s sweetest smile and the way it can’t be directed at anything but him, he pulls him in for a soft kiss, whispering “I love you, so, so, so, much, Connor” into his ear.

It’s when he hears “Right back at you, Mr. Incredible,” half-mumbled into his shoulder that he knows he's done the right thing.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please, please comment/send me a message at greerian.tumblr.com.


End file.
